Change Starts in Circle: Rethinking Behavior and Belonging

t’s the call we get most often—when suspensions aren’t working, referrals are piling up, and frustration is at an all-time high. Schools reach out, hoping restorative practices will be the solution to poor behavior.

Here’s what we’ve learned: If you want to change student behavior, you can’t start with conferences. You have to start with circles.

Not as a response to harm—but as a way to build connection, trust, and community before things go wrong.

Too often, restorative practices are misunderstood as reactive interventions—tools we turn to only after harm occurs. But true restorative work is proactive. It starts with building the relational foundation that makes healing possible. We can’t repair what was never built.

When we know each other’s stories, empathy grows. Hearing someone's experiences helps us understand their motivations, which in turn fosters compassion. But these stories only emerge when we create space for them. Circles make that space. When people feel seen, heard, and valued, they show up with openness. When they feel misunderstood or unseen, they show up guarded and defensive.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs reminds us that basic needs—food, safety, shelter—must be met before meaningful learning can occur. But so must belonging. Students thrive when they are in relationship with others, not when they are isolated, misunderstood, or managed.

Yet, let’s be honest: Most schools treat social and emotional learning (SEL) like a checkbox. We present slideshows on respect, responsibility, or self-management then ask students to regurgitate what they saw on a worksheet. What’s missing is practice. Practice in community. Practice in relationship. Practice in being human together.

The issue isn’t our educators. Nearly every teacher and administrator we’ve met cares deeply about their students’ growth and well-being. The issue is the system, which is built on hierarchy, compliance, and control. One that focuses more on managing behavior and delivering content than teaching human beings. 

Too often, schools mirror the very authoritarian dynamics that plague our broader society. Structures that value obedience over understanding, silence over dialogue, and punishment over accountability. Schools can become places where joy and curiosity are diminished—not because of the people in them, but because of the way the system is designed.

But systems can be changed.

Just as we resist oppression in society, we can resist it in our schools. Imagine the power of centering relationships, empathy, and connection—every day, in every classroom. It would be a radical act of hope and resistance.

Circles are not a warm-up or a side activity. They’re essential infrastructure. When we create space for students and educators to connect, reflect, and be human together, we grow the conditions for deep learning and joyful community.

And if we do that—if we lead with connection—our students will thrive. Not by force, but through belonging. Not by fear, but through trust. We’ll nurture a generation of compassionate, creative, engaged citizens—exactly the kind of people who will build the world we all want to live in.

Let’s begin with circles. Let’s begin with each other.